Eleven

"Oh, just what kind of spell did you cast?
I can’t seem to let go or give you up
My heart keeps on playing tricks on me, telling me you love me
I know it’s just a dream, a disease I have
I can’t seem to help but love you so much
Even though you keep on breaking my heart
This pain I’m feeling, I don’t think it’ll end
Why am I still here? This madness must stop!"

                                                   -2PM,Again and Again

So,can i say goodbye? To all of my past bitter memories,and welcome the new sweet ones?

Sick,sick of all these bad things that are happening to me. I'm one girl who's fast to leave behind those memories. But,how about you? Does that make any difference? Nope,not one bit. You seem that you can't taste what i've been through,all this year. And do you absolutely care? No,i guess not. So this is it. I'm packing these stuffs,and throwing them down to the most deepest surface of the sea,so that no one dares to know what's going up with me. Did you know,behind all of this happiness,there's pain,a whole lot of pain? Did you? I may stand up and look happy and give a warm smile for everyone,but no my heart is in pain,all shattered. How can i tell you? How can i tell everybody what's happening? It's just too painful. I can't let them know what's really up to my mind. I'm mind fucked. 

Maybe you see me as a fearless young teen. I seem fearless but i'm just not fit for that. I'm so much more that you don't know. I always sit on my bed,facing the dim-lighted laptop screen,thinking about everything. From families to friends,all of it. You think it's fun to be me. But i trust you,your lives are so much better than mine. With all the fuss going around my head,plus the school's problems facing me. I know i'm not a principal,but all fuss are terrifying me,a lot. So nexttime you see me,try to look into my eyes,deeply,and see my pain inside that horrifies myself.

But,i'm trying hard enough to suck this all,all out from your acknowledgement. I sware,i'll zip my mouth,and try not to talk about me. You'll see one day when i'm so mind fucked,i'll burst into one whole world. That's the time when i have drowned all of my tears just for ridiculous things,even the tiniest thing. You'll see. Everything changes that time. My life,upside dwn,that's it. That's the fact that i'll face. 

"Why are you doing this to me, why?
Why do you have to do this to me, make me cry?
Was it enough to throw everything we had?
All of the times we were together
And the times we can never be together again
Aren't they wasteful, to you?
Does it not matter to you?
Even now, are you okay without me?"

                              -2PM,Without You

Ten

Throwback,december 2012

All the weight has lifted,i'm over with this. Think of me as the bad girl,i don't freaking care,bro. Yeah,you're always the good guy and i'm the bad one.

Some of them say we'll last forever. Wrong saying. It's not happily ever after. It's over. Thanks for treating me like i'm the princess of world,i appreciate it so much,i really do x 

Hm,so look at you now,when i'm gone,you go find another girl better than me. Wow,that was fast to recover. Good job boy,really. I'm impressed.Even i didn't find another one. You were fast,quick and sharp. Are all of you the same,typically fast finding another? *claps hands* Seriously,i don't know what to say babe,really. I sent you a long and complicated text but you thinked differently. I thought you were gonna think positively,but no. You thinked the wrong way,what kind of person you are? And i'm so not good with words in malay,i tremble when i'm talking malay. i really am not good in malay. That's just me. Now,you're standing in your way,i'm standing in mine. You're now a ghost to me,invisible to me. You never knew me. I never knew you. Okay,fine. 

As the time ticks,i thinked about our memories. You threw it away did you? Well i'm letting t go slowly,one by one. Let my heart shatter and i'll be better again. All i have to do right now is glue them back,so it can be one again. Let me be like this for a while,i bet you don't care. As for me, i don't care too. Great? 

"Shut up, I don't even wanna hear it

Beg until your tears dry up

I will see the end of this, just watch

You messed with the wrong person"

                                    -Mblaq