Thirteen

"I am both Jekyll and Hyde, don’t run away from me"

Hello dearies x It's nearly a month,is it? The feel isn't coming, and i had no attention to write these days. But today,somehow i've managed to write this.

Life is getting a little messed up,but it's fine. Well,you came bck to me. For once,i tried to listen to you but no,my heart is just ignoring those words you gave me. I replied it nicely,hoping that your heart will not break. You know,i just feel like being alone is the best way from me. I,myself are far away from freaking problems,problems in which i need to solve it myself. I just hate the fact that when i'm with someone who i love,there's always problems coming alone. I don't get it,i really do.

Well now,at least i'm not doing what i've been doing since ages. I try to adapt to my mind that this is just temporary and it will fade away. So,i've stopped doing that. But now i'm doing something even bad,something that i'll not tell anybody,because it's too bitter. If the truth is reveal,i know mostly none will friend me because you think i'm gross. Well,is that how "friends" work? You're here when he/she is happy,and one day when he/she is having a problem no matter how little it is,you turn away. Denying the fact that he/she is your friend. Well,that's just people these days. Problematic uh. 

For the record,i'm not intending to be the most good person in the world. Nope. I intend to be bad,just to see if they are people who wants to befriend me. That's how i roll. Friends do come and go like they're just a freaking paper. All they want is just to be happy with you and not be in the time when you're having a problem. That's all that matters. 

"There is a different person that’s not me inside of me
There’s a different me that’s not me inside of me"

Twelve

"Severely, I guess I loved you too severely

I don't even breath and I look around for you

I don't know when I'll be able to stop

I think letting you go is more severe than dying"

Hello beautiful creatures x Apologies for not posting up for a long,long time. I really miss typing up my thoughts,and read it all back. Hm,well lets get started.

I've always crying these days,thinking about all of those tacky stuffs around me. I feel stressed,so much. I don't know how can i manage these emotions,but now i'm a waste. I do bad things,trying them and making use of them wisely. How can you accept me? I'm a crap,a holy one. Not useful to any of you,unpredictable.

It seems peaceful,after i tried all these things,it calms me down. Yes,i'm the bad person now. I try to intend things weirdly,without everyone looking at me. I seem invicible to everyone,even in your eyes. Well,who does want to care about me? I'm wrecked,for sure.

Okay,let's take a deep breathe,i'll face new obstacles,new people,everyday. That's the fact. The more stress i am,the more unbelievable actions i'll do. You'll be shocked by just looking at what have i done. You're in for a maze. Loving you has made me realized,i'm imperfectly imperfect. Looking at my scars,wow none will want me. Look at my behaviour,damn right you'll reject me on the spot. So what's the purpose of being in love if none accept me with my flaws,all of them.

If you see face to me,you should see my hands,legs,neck. Full of scars,scars from fright,sadness and depression, You wouldn't know what do i feel this moment.You'll never know. You should tell me goodbye,and go on with your life that seems fine to me. I hope you're happy. As i stalk,i shed a tear because i see you're happy without me. When i was with you,the clouds of your life seems dark,and it poured rain,heavy rain. When i was gone,i see your life fulls with happiness,clear skies,rainbows,andi see you,laying down under a shady tree,smiling,relieved that i'm gone,forever from your life. 

Tell me goodbye.